One Year

Today is a day for some serious reflection for me. One year ago today, my marriage officially ended when a judge signed my divorce papers. It was a fairly quiet day for me. I was out of court by about 10am, took Derek (who acted as the non-party witness for the proceedings) to lunch, and then went to the Temple.

Since then, I've had a real roller coaster ride. Within a week of my divorce, I already had a friend try to set me up on a date with someone - who turned out to be one of my younger sister's friends growing up, and someone that I used to home teach! (I later attended her wedding in October.)

In trying to learn how to be single again, I faced a dozen rejections before I was able to get a single date. Even then, it was extremely awkward. In some ways, it was more awkward than either of my first dates back in high school or after my mission. I've tried to get over that awkwardness since then (and I hope I've succeeded in it), but it's still there at odd times.

I faced the decision of whether to return to the singles ward or stay in my family ward. In the end, that was no contest. My home teaching families are too much of a joy for me to give them up. Besides, sacrament meeting is too quiet in a singles ward. I enjoy the sound of children around (and I admit I've spent a sacrament meeting or ten flirting with a little girl in front of me - it keeps her from causing a fuss), and it serves as a clear reminder to me that the Gospel is about families, not just individuals.

I've had the chance to rebuild relationships with old friends, and the opportunity to come to love new friends as well. I've been to movies, musicals, concerts, and other events. I've spent time with my family, hosted friends over for dinner, and greatly expanded my cooking skills.

I've finally realized that I can treat myself well without feeling guilty about it. It's ok for me to buy myself nice things every now and then (although it is still a good idea to hunt for the best bargain). I've finally accepted that it's ok for me to go out to a nice restaurant by myself (although it's usually more fun to go with a friend), and ordering an appetizer before the meal isn't a waste of money.

I've taken chances. I've bought a plane ticket to visit someone who I had never really met before (although I had known her in passing four years earlier), and had a wonderful weekend. I started taking Tae Kwon Do, and managed to injure my shoulder (requiring four months of therapy and rest). I've pushed myself beyond my limits, and grown stronger (and smarter, I hope) because of it. I've taken leaps of faith, and sometimes fallen flat on my face. I've also had the opportunity to soar to new heights. I've faced disappointment and heartache, but also hope, joy, and encouragement.

I've learned that life is here to be lived, not simply survived. In order to live life to the fullest, you need to have a passion for everything that you do. I'm not to that point yet, but I'm trying to get there. Life is good! It should be enjoyed!

So, tonight I am going to celebrate life. I'm going to get home from work, go to my Tae Kwon Do class, and then go out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I'm going to grab life by the horns and refuse to let go.

Ready or not, here I come.

The End of an Era

Last night, one of my heroes passed away.

This morning, as I walked into work, I pulled up a song on my iPod and listened to it over and over. It's by Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband, and it's called "Snow":

it was just snow soft and white
it was just snow falling so light
it was just snow soft and white
falling so light,
falling last night

no it wasn’t a lightning storm
ripping leaves and
the limbs off of trees
and it wasn’t a massive earthquake
the earth buckling from beneath

because he wasn’t quite that sad
and he wasn’t quite that mad
but his messenger died yesterday
and he wanted us to know

so it was just snow soft and white
it was just snow falling so light
it was just snow soft and white
falling so light,
falling last night

no it wasn’t a giant tidal wave
drowning every man
woman and child
and it wasn’t a huge hurricane
wind and rain whipping
‘round us so wild

because he wasn’t quite that sad
and he wasn’t quite that mad
but his messenger died yesterday
and he wanted us to know

so it was just snow soft and white
it was just snow falling so light
it was just snow soft and white
falling so light,
falling last night

No, it didn't snow last night (at least not in DC), but it still holds true. Just like the Lord doesn't (usually) do anything spectacular to confirm who his prophets are, he doesn't do spectacular things to mark when they complete their missions. He doesn't teach through the loud and flashy signs (except when absolutely necessary), but instead through the quiet moments when we are open to the Spirit.

I gained a testimony of President Hinckley over 10 years ago, when I had the opportunity to hear him speak at a youth fireside here in the DC area. I was fortunate to get one of the best seats in the house, even though I wasn't all that close to the stand. I was sitting on the stage in the Cultural Hall, front row, dead center. All I had to do was look straight ahead and I was staring directly into President Hinckley's eyes. I don't remember all that much of what he said that day (although I've heard similar talks from him over the years). What I remember most of that night is the clear feeling that I had of the Spirit telling me that he was, beyond all doubt, a prophet.

My prayers go out to his family, and especially to President Monson, who has not only lost two good friends in the past year, but who now is shouldering the burdens, cares, and concerns of the entire Church.

Rest, a Wonderful Thing

I feel like such a bum today, and it feels wonderful.

Because of some work that needed to be done over the holiday weekend, yesterday I finished putting in 10 straight days of work. As a result, I now have a 4 day weekend to enjoy, starting today. I did precious little today, mostly just sat around and relaxed.

I actually got to sleep in until 7am today, which is quite the luxury for someone who usually gets up at 5 and is in the office by 7. I did a little housework (washed a few dishes, ran the dishwasher, etc), read a book, watched a little Babylon 5, and mostly just relaxed.

Of course, I also have to make plans for tomorrow. I've got a few friends (Derek and Betty) coming over for dinner, and I'm trying to figure out the rest of the menu. So far, I'm planning to make Chicken Alfredo (from scratch, including the pasta), have a spinach salad, and sparking cider to drink. The big dilemma is what to serve for dessert. Usually, I make a batch of ice cream, but I'm not in the mood to do that this time. (My usual ice cream recipe takes 2 days to make.) So far, I can think of two alternatives.

1) Homemade chocolate pudding with cut up pieces of Twinkies in it. This is an old family favorite that my grandmother used to make. It may sound weird, but if you try it, you'll be hooked.
2) Homemade peach cobbler. Maybe I'll break down and buy a carton of vanilla ice cream to go with it.

I'm really torn here. Any suggestions would be most appreciated.

P.S. Oh yes. In response to Amy: Yes, I did make the bread, and it turned out wonderful. I especially love it with a little butter and honey.

Time to Kill

Well, I'm sitting here, two hours into a server install that I'm doing from home (it's that or go into the office this late at night). I have to say, Oracle is quickly becoming a dirty word around me. Their documentation has so many holes in it that it's a miracle anyone can install it.

Despite the frustration caused by uncooperative computers, I have to say that life is good. My guinea pig is dancing along to the music videos that I have on, and it's quite a sight to see. I made myself a plate of spicy wings for dinner (and yes, Mom, I did eat my veggies with them), and enjoyed every bite of them. Tapatio hot sauce is really all you need for a marinade for good wings. My only problem was that I was out of blue cheese dressing to dip them in, but I probably don't need the fat and calories from that.

At this point, I've almost finished putting my 40 hours in for the week, and I'll probably come close to that by the time I'm done tonight. Of course, I still have to go into work tomorrow (meeting at 10am), but I can sleep in a little and get there later than normal (I'm usually in around 7). Then, once the meeting is over, if no crises come up, I can leave early. I'm looking forward to it. It'll give me the chance to get started on the weekend early.

I think I'm going to just relax this weekend. Most of my friends are either going to be out of town, or already have plans, but that just gives me time to putter around the kitchen a little. There are a few good recipes I have that I could throw together. Maybe I'll bake some of the wonderful oatmeal bread that a friend taught me how to make last year. Or maybe I'll bake some cookies. Or maybe another batch of homemade marshmallows.

Or perhaps I'll just open a cookbook to a random page and pick a recipe to try. The sky's the limit.